Anthropologist Murdock (1949) defined family of orientation as family unit where one is born, raised and may consist of one/both parents and sibling. While growing up as a unit we find support and validation, expectantly unconditional but practically conditional love. Family often engages in social comparison, and may be based on emotional support/validation or conflict and criticism. Our self esteem is shaped by our childhood experiences. Stable family setting, warmth received from the parents and supportive family environment ideally lead to centred/grounded adulthood. Also, childhood experiences may create trauma and unresolved human emotions, which in turn are truly damaging for mental health.
While watching Netflix series Another Self based on family constellations and intergenerational trauma, it occurred to me that the role of family and what it makes of us needs discussion. Then I stumbled upon Dr Gabor Mate’s videos on childhood trauma, mind body connection, addiction and chronic illness. And then I recalled a simpler cinematic version of both, which captures the essence of how we and our self esteem are shaped by our childhood experiences and how seeking to resolve the situation is not such a bad idea. I am talking about Gauri Shinde’s Dear Zindagi. It’s a simplistic take on an extremely layered discourse on childhood trauma and adult life experiences.
How we once felt as a child, shapes some part of how we behave in relationships as adults. This post is about drawing the essence of all of the above. ‘Another self’ approaches trauma from an intergenerational trauma lens, and the trauma gets resolved through a particular approach (family constellations in this case). Dr Mate on the other hand speaks of the mind body connection in the backdrop of childhood trauma. Dear Zindagi has the protagonist failing at adult relationships, because of the space she is stuck at since childhood. Familial ties unconsciously control our self esteem and our relationships with the significant others in our life (romantic or familial).
“Those with poor family relationships are almost four times more likely to have mind health scores in the distressed or struggling ranges, compared to those who are close to many family members. These struggles include avoidance and withdrawal from social situations, difficulties forming relationships, feelings of sadness or hopelessness, and unwanted or obsessive thoughts. Notably, family relationships in adolescence have repeatedly been linked to mental health in adulthood” (Global Mind Health by Sapien’s Lab,,2026, p:15).
In this post I leave you with just one question: how can we salvage this situation? Just a point of caution, this needs to be an agenda for the family unit itself. Let us think about it !