Why do we seek validation from others? Professional forums and other social media ride on ‘happy to report’ kind of opening. If it’s Facebook you would find new home, car, relationship, travel or pet; on LinkedIn regular reporting of professional achievements, routine visits, small and big awards scream at readers. The reactions of others to what we achieve make a difference, in fact quite a lot of difference. Who are these others? And why do I care? A Panchatantra tale on a Brahmin and his goat is important to build the context. A brahmin and three scheming thugs were walking in the same forest. The thugs had just one goal in mind, to take away the goat. In those times, this theft was not possible by hurting the brahmin. The thugs therefore conspired to confuse the brahmin in voluntary surrender of the animal. They crossed the brahmin’s path one by one, at a gap of few minutes each. Fist one called out the brahmin for carrying a dead dog, the other said it was a pig and the third one called it a sack of wood. Three different feedbacks in quick succession, confused the brahmin. After looking back and finding the goat; the brahmin developed cognitive dissonance. The claims of the thugs and his first hand knowledge collided, which initially confused, and later frightened him. Shortly after, he dumped the goat and ran for his life. The thugs had a feast that night.
Let us revisit the story and imagine that the priest behaved differently. will the story exist had he trusted what he saw and went about his business without engaging with the thugs? The thugs couldn’t physically assault him, the goat was firmly on his shoulder. He reaches home and there is therefore no story. What gives us the plot is the interactions that take place. Each interactions interprets what’s on the shoulders differently from what the preist knew to be a definite truth. The confusion seeped in, when the priest started doubting what he had. When he engaged with, gave attention and acted upon the negative validation received from strangers.
Our perception and beliefs about ourselves (our self-concept) are developed through personal experience, social interactions, cultural influences, reflections and feedback received from others. Social validation is one of the ways through which a person’s sense of self is developed. We can speak of generalised others (communities, workplaces, schools, colleges, nationality etc) and significant others (parents, siblings, close work colleagues, bosses, mentors etc) who shape our self perception and esteem. Generalised others set contextual boundaries for our common behaviour and thoughts defining who we should be in a particular context. While significant others impact our self perception more strongly, shaping who we are.
Familial environment, work place culture , learner centricity in educational institutions and stable romantic relationships provide the natural social validation for someone to thrive in. A lot of adolescents and young adults are carrying a poor social self concept. Sapein Labs’ Global Mind Project Reports 2024, 2025 find participants in 18-34 age cohort fare much worse on the criteria of social self compared to 55 year plus ones. Their criteria of social self includes self perception in social context. Simply put it indicates that the young adults and adolescents have a more negative social self concept compared to much older adults. The reasons can be many; lack of regular social interaction, digital passive social connections and not receiving enough positive social validation for developing a healthy self-concept.
This dialogue is open for comments and observations on what agenda can an individual sound adult, families, schools, universities, workplaces and communities can take upon themselves to resolve the situation and improve mental health of youngsters?
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